How to Handle Impostor Syndrome
by Katharine Bierce
I wrote the following when a friend asked for advice on getting a promotion at work. Since it applies to anyone who doesn't feel “good enough,” or anyone with impostor syndrome, I thought I’d share this more widely. May it be of benefit!
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You are enough. You have always been enough. You will always be enough.
Believing that you need external things to make you happy is a recipe for staying stuck.
Because there will always be another thing to get.
And, it’s OK to want what you want. things turn out better when we take action towards things that are in service of our highest values.
What do you value?
What do you want to be known for?
Can you embody that quality today, promotion or not?
One exercise I was asked to do recently was to write my own eulogy. That has a way of cutting through the BS. Of getting to the point of what is most important. For example, one quality I want to be known for is bright energy. How can I embody that this week? Doing cardio. Helping others.
“Your thoughts are lying to you in predictable ways,” says meditation teacher Tucker Peck, in a short summary of “why meditate?”
Meditation is a tool to debug our brains from running the malware that we are solid, separate selves, that have to get pleasure and avoid pain in order to be truly happy.
Because the world will throw the worldly winds of change and dissatisfaction at you: loss and gain, pleasure and pain, praise and shame, fame and blame.
Meditation helped me with emotional awareness. To see that my thoughts are not who I am. To see that I can label them “thinking” just the way that the heart pumps blood and the stomach digests food. The mind thinks. It’s just what it does. And, thinking is not a problem. Believing that thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “I have to get this thing to be worthwhile as a human being; otherwise I’m a failure” is the problem. It’s identification with the outcome that keeps us stuck.
I suggest meditating daily for more minutes a day than you are on Facebook. Facebook and social media strengthen the sense of comparing ourselves to others, of “not good enough,” because they make money based on how much attention we give them.
What kind of wealth might you have if you train your attention and awareness in service of your values, of being most fully yourself, of letting go of the “not good enough” malware each time you see it, of knowing and being your truth?
When I am in my truth, connected to basic goodness, bodhicitta, awakened heart-mind, the union of wisdom, compassion, and power, it doesn’t really matter what politicians are doing or the state of the air quality outside. There are just things to do. I can pick up the tool of thinking, planning, and doing like picking up a hammer or an iPhone, do a task, and put down the technology or the tool at the end of the day and be with the sky, pet the neighborhood cat, and call a friend who is job hunting.
Knowing yourself is the work of a lifetime. The Oracle at Delphi in Greece had a sign above her door that said Know Thyself. Meditation helps me discern the BS of malware thoughts from just noticing that there is thinking happening, I don’t need to believe it, and I have a moment of choice to act for the highest good of myself and others, and to be patient and compassionate with myself when I screw up or say something stupid. Because I’m human, too, and not completely awakened yet, but as Ram Dass said, I’m getting to be a “connoisseur of my neuroses.” To befriend them so that my inner critic is now an occasional visitor that I recognize and say hello to but don’t have to believe.
Anyway, I hope this is inspirational.
Self-Care Practices to Manage Impostor Syndrome
Meditate daily; you can start with 10 minutes a day. Same time, same place, ask a friend to text you reminders. Try to have the number of minutes you meditate be more than the number of minutes you use social media. Here are some tips on taking control of how you use technology so it serves you rather than vice versa.
Write your own eulogy. What do you want to be known for? And how can you embody those qualities now? (Allow 1 hour.)
Be clear on your goals: for your life, the next 10 years, the next 1 year, the next 30 days. Find a coach if you need help defining these. Or start by journaling.
Practice the Subabh Kriya (15 min) for prosperity and/or the Sphere of All Possibilities meditation via Tom Kenyon (any amount of time, I find 5 min is sufficient) to be open to the possibilities of success arriving.
Repeat these daily affirmations: I am open to receiving. I am worthy of prosperity. I am ready to be seen. (Thanks to Liya Garber for these tips.)
When you ask for a promotion, experiment with doing it from a sense that you already have everything you need, and that the promotion is merely an outward expression of an already-manifest unconditional inner confidence in your truth.
Want to chat more? Email me at info@businesscasusalyoga.com with questions or comments!