Emotional Awareness Resources

by Katharine Bierce

How do you work with emotions if you feel disconnected from them or not sure where to start?

Here are a dozen things to consider.

 

1.    Meditate daily

I started at 10 minutes a day in 2012 and have had an almost-daily practice for 7 years now. Initially, the most helpful thing I noticed was more awareness of my emotions. That I could experience a feeling and observe it and not just get stuck in it. Headspace, Insight Timer, and Calm are useful apps to start but you’re likely to be more inspired if you go to a class in person or with a live teacher (so, take a look at meditation centers in your area).

2.    Journal 

Write about your feelings. It’s not only therapeutic, but paying attention to and reflecting on emotions can help you develop useful insights. 



3.    Do yoga

Yoga was one of the first places I felt OK in my body, because it wasn’t a competitive sport, there wasn’t a goal or finish line to get to, and the emphasis is on just being. Breathing and feeling. 

4.    Breathe and feel

When you lay hands on a loved one, can you breathe into the spot in your body that you are touching? Can you feel what is going on in your own body at the same time that you touch the other person? This is actually a very advanced practice but can be something to explore in trading back massages. Great massage therapists are deeply present listeners first, and knowledgeable about techniques second.

5.    Be curious

Western society means that many men are in control (of government, business, etc.) and aren’t socialized to be OK not knowing how things are going to turn out, to relax, allow things to evolve, explore, be open, sit with discomfort, etc. Being curious can help with feelings of discomfort that come up when things aren’t going exactly as you want. 

6.    Live with integrity

Keep your word. Try your best, and don’t take things personally.
The book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz helps with this.
Why? 
This is important to hold space for emotions and creating an environment of safety where whatever comes up is OK.

7.    Take dance classes

Dance (especially contact improv) is a very fast way to get embodied quickly, potentially even faster than yoga. 

  • Salsa/Bachata/Merengue/Latin dance is good for getting more awareness of, sensation in and around, and ability to move your hips.

  • Line dancing like contra is good if you’re really mathematical and nerdy and not sure where to start.

  • Swing dance is good if you want more joy in your life, since it’s a more bouncy style.

8.    Explore energy work

From friendships to relationships, how we interact with other humans affects our energy. Doing practices that work with energy can help you navigate energetic space more easily. Try:

9.    Have a therapist

if you want to make progress at the gym, you get a personal trainer. If you want to be more emotionally aware and embodied in relationships, why not get a personal trainer for the heart? Related: it takes strength to be vulnerable. Your therapist can help you practice expressing emotions like sadness, fear, uncertainty etc. if you’re not yet comfortable expressing those.

10.  Participate in workshops on authenticity

11.  Do activities that are not goal-oriented, where emotional expression is the point

  • Pottery

  • Painting

  • Ikebana (Japanese flower arranging)

  • Singing

  • Dance… you get the idea.

12.  Don’t try to fix your feelings

The heart is a muscle, literally, and energetically/emotionally as well. We go through periods of contraction and expansion. Trust that working with emotions is like gardening, or like anything in nature that has cycles and seasons. Don’t try to make things be the same way all the time, and don’t get too hung up about being linear or goal-oriented. 

Trust that as you are more authentically yourself in each moment, you are laying the groundwork for the intentional future you want.

For the men who are reading this who want a partner and kids: if this seems like a lot of uncomfortable work, consider that women give birth and men don’t have to…. but emotional intelligence can help you support your partner when she’s experiencing pregnancy (like, TONS of hormones), birth, and beyond. And, being more emotionally aware is essential for parenting, because kids don’t really respond to logic well: they have feelings – lots of them – and often at really inconvenient times. So, the more emotional awareness you develop as a man in your relationships, the easier it will be to navigate emotional terrain as the years go by.

Katharine Bierce